Maybelle Victor

I walk by faith, not by sight.

- Eli, Book of Eli -

Almost dying changes nothing.  Dying changes everything.

- House, TV Series -

I’d rather be close to the birds than forever wish I could fly.

-  House, TV Series-

She chooses to be solitary but her care for her younglings is undeniable.  Primarily described as a perfect feeder due to its ability to find and gather food, her nature teaches her to be who she is.

But her home is shit.

Sometimes an unimportant incident is capable of turning everything beautiful into a moment of anxiety. We insist on seeing the mote in the eye and forget about the mountains, the fields and the olive groves.

- By the River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept, Life: Selected Quotations -

This may be the most overused way to describe any fight… and the best way to describe any other thing we experience. At home, at work, at our faith.

We almost always see what’s wrong, what’s missing, what “should” be and almost always make excuses and reasonable arguments to defend our perspective. In reality, we deceive no one but ourselves. Nothing is perfect in this world, but it remains full. We are not perfect to claim perfection, we can only acknowledge our imperfections and that alone, makes a difference in an imperfect world.

I remember a scene in Gladiator… (and I really have to search for this, thanks to imdb!)

Marcus Aurelius: Are you ready to do your duty for Rome?
Commodus: Yes, father.
Marcus Aurelius: You will not be emperor.
Commodus: Which wiser, older man is to take my place?
Marcus Aurelius: My powers will pass to Maximus, to hold in trust until the Senate is ready to rule once more. Rome is to be a republic again.
Commodus: Maximus?
Marcus Aurelius: Yes. My decision disappoints you?
Commodus: You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: Wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. As I read the list, I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, father. Ambition. That can be a virtue when it drives us to excel. Resourcefulness, courage, perhaps not on the battlefield, but… there are many forms of courage. Devotion, to my family and to you. But none of my virtues were on your list. Even then it was as if you didn’t want me for your son.
Marcus Aurelius: Oh, Commodus. You go too far.
Commodus: I search the faces of the gods… for ways to please you, to make you proud. One kind word, one full hug… where you pressed me to your chest and held me tight. Would have been like the sun on my heart for a thousand years. What is it in me that you hate so much?
Marcus Aurelius: Shh, Commodus.
Commodus: All I’ve ever wanted was to live up to you, Caesar. Father.
Marcus Aurelius: [Marcus Aurelius gets down on his knees] Commodus. Your faults as a son is my failure as a father. Come
[Gives Commodus a hug]
Commodus: [Commodus hugs Marcus and cries] Father. I would have butcher the whole world… if you would only love me!
[Commodus begins to asphyxiate Marcus while they hug, Marcus grunts]

Who we are does not predict nor dictate our future. Our decisions define who we are, our actions will always overshadow our intentions. The turning point is when you acknowledge defeat in a useless battle – that an unimportant incident is just it – an unimportant incident, that the scenery includes a fog at that particular time, that seeing the fields and olive greens is still a sight. There is always more to life than what we can ever imagine.

“All things are negotiable except the truth…
and every lie has a price.”

- Petros, “Dragon Heat” -

Even the hardest metal would look like clay if I let go and release this amount of energy I’ve been holding back.

I have to be able to breathe but then that means harming a lot of people so here I am attempting to freefall.  In doing so, I do not need to worry about all the others that are falling before me, I won’t have to care, even about dying and feeling.  Indifference is a friend.  What is stupidity anyway?  Who can claim victory over stupidity?  Who has the right to call someone stupid?  Why are people acting idiotic morons who cannot think and act like human beings?  Why are human beings so akeen in making them appear no short of animals acting upon instincts?  What would set them apart from it?  Where is the bottom of this long fall?  I cannot see.  I am dazed.

But please let me fall fast, only then can I achieve sleep and rest this atomic mind from all the scrutinizing and antagonizing perfection that I will never have.  Let me breathe.